Sharing: My experience of online datingDISCLAIMER:
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ARE ONLY MY PERSONAL POINT OF VIEW, THEY ARE NOT REPRESENTATIVE IN ANY WAY.
NO OFFENCES ARE INTENDED.
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Since we are living in a cyber world now, i thought there is a fair chance to meet Mr. Right online, plus i know a few friends who testimonied that true love could be found online. So i wrote a rough introduction about myself and my expectation for the boyfriend-to-be and posted it on two websites www.sgchinese.com.sg/bbs and www.huasing.org. The viewers of these two websites are mainly chinese, i mean mainland chinese, like myself. I thought that birds of the same feather flock together, maybe a Chinese man would suit me better than a foreigner. By the way, I have also applied SDU membership, but wasn't keen to join any activities or meet any guys there.
After the ads were posted, I have received quite a lot of replies. My preferred way of establishing connection is via MSN chatting first, then telephone chatting, if both parties are satisfied, then would arrange for a date outside. Being traditional-minded, i would prefer guys take the initiative to invite me for a meet-up, but on rare occassions i would do the calling too. I believe the majority of us follow this procedure to find the ONE via internet.
Let me categorize the guys i have come across online as the following:
1.Married man. I believe there are a group of married men who left their wife in China and decided to pursue their career for a few years in Singapore. So this group of men is bound to feel lonely while the family is miles away, a few of them contacted me because they wanted to make more friends and have a social life in singapore. (that's what they said at least) But i don't have time to entertain married lonely souls, so i rejected them straightaway.
2.ONS man. ONS is the acronym I learnt recently only, it stands for "One Night Stand". I didn't realize that ONS was so rampant till i was 'offered' service repeatedly by the over-friendly internet guys. I guess i was living in my own world while love-making is all sacred and holy and is only meant for the true love. For me, i couldn't accept this act of blasphemy of love. And these people fall into the category of 'pervert' as well.
3.Shorter guys. I know I am not short, but i won't consider myself tall either(1.68m). Guess what, I realize that chinese/asian guys definitely need more calcium and play more basketball nowadays, they are so NOT tall. When i am wearing heels, it's so difficult to find a guy to talk at eye-level. I was even specifically requested not to wear heels on the first date, guess the guy has low self-esteem. But seriously, what happened to all the chinese guys? at least my brother is 1.84m, maybe it's better gene pool in my family.
4.Younger guys. My tolerance is from one year younger than me to 5 years older than me. I just feel age is a factor in a relationship, unless the guy has some extraordinary talents which can compensate the age difference, like maturity, money, charisma, etc. But guys with such extraordinary talents won't be single by now, right?
5.Boring guys. It's quite a common trait among Chinese people, I figure mainly because Chinese guys are very self-conscious and shy, so they don't make interesting conversation and their creativity is like dormant volcano (takes years to erupt, but doesn't mean they don't have creativity). I have met this guy who is a real tester of my patience: he takes at least one minute to think before answering any simple daily life questions, and while i have moved onto another topic, he is still thinking of the previous one. How is it possible to establish connection with such slow-motion person? It beats me.
6.Guys with no/low self-confidence. Without any confidence in yourself, it's impossible to become attractive or charming. A few Chinese guys have no prior serious relationship in their 30 years of life and are rather inexperienced while dealing with the opposite gender. So they appear to be out of place and immature. I find it difficult to communicate well with first-timer, and also i am rather unwilling to be the guinea pig for their relationship. So i have to say 'no' to those guys.
7.Insincere guys. Maybe it's a sweeping statement, but guys nowadays are so INSINCERE while looking for life partners. They want to find a wife or a girlfriend, but at the same time they are rather reluctant to put in the effort to impress the girl, especially on the first date. While coming to decide what to do and where to meet on the first date, very often the guy just throws the question at me without giving any suggestions. So the guy wants to invite me for movie, but didn't bother to check the current movie titles and time for showing? Or when I suggest to meet at Shaw Foundation House, Isetan, the guy has no idea what i am referring to even though he has been in singapore for a considerable number of years. What does it tell me about your adaptability? I have also been 'invited' to a library for a chit-chat on first date. Am I having a fever or is he? Library? for a first date? What kind of lousy suggestion is that? And talking is not allowed in library by the way. I understand that a lot of guys don't get out much, they don't go shopping like girls do, and they don't know orchard road like the back of their hands, and they need to realize that's what makes them boring, unattractive and out of touch with the current life affairs. But the worst case scenario was that the guy arranged with me for a date, but had no intention to turn up and expected me to wait in vain in front of tangs plaza. Luckily i saw through his lies (mainly because he gave me a fake phone no. ) and didn't become a victim of his game. I totally despise such despicable people, no respect to others AT ALL. I called him 'jerk' and 'asshole' ever since.
8.Werid guys. On a few occassions, the guy appears to be perfectly normal and pleasant to chat with, but somehow after a few chats, he would make me rather uncomfortable and disgusted by bringing up sex-related topics, like adult movies, past relationship, opinions on ONS, affairs, etc. This simply proves that SEX is all what guys are thinking about 24/7.
So far I have only thought of these 8 categories, there could be more, like guys couldn't decide what they want for life, guys who use other people's photo to introduce themselves, guys who make up stories to escape from first date, guys who can't chat in English while living in singapore for 9 years, guys who keep asking me which part of shanghai i am from etc.
One thing is for sure, the online dating experience is an eye-opener, to say the least. It exposes me to interesting variety of people, some become my online friends, some are "blocked" from my msn list. haha Well, i will continue my search for the ONE, wish me luck.
[bbcat (11-14 23:25, Long long ago)]
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interesting readingLZ may have to look beyond online dating to nail down the right guy. :)[谁的钱包 (11-15 10:35, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]2楼
一共8类人，没类不多算，2-3个，也有20个了，每一个看的上眼的看来眼光挺搞的
说真的，看这个帖子的感觉就是
你在ZARA, Guess, Topman里面选不到一件衣服
只能去Gucci, Farragamo, D&G之类的选衣服了
自己条件好是好事，不过有事候得屈服于现实
极品男人那有那么多阿[羊肉泡馍 (11-15 10:41, Long long ago)]
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笑死了 ^_________^斑竹给花啊[邓可 (11-15 11:34, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]4楼
interesting我想你应该算是比较lucky的人了，如果碰到一个非常懂女人的坏男人就比较惨了。会哄得你很开心。其实我说这些没有其他的意思，只是觉得网上交友并不是很可靠，因为在网上人是可以伪装的。如果可以，还是在生活中看人比较好，一个男人，人品和性格是最重要的。所谓的情调，浪漫，幽默，都是可以培养的。很难说有一个别人已经培养好的好男人，最好放在那儿等你来用。当然概率也是有的，可是相对来说，还是找一个人品和性格好，然后慢慢培养的可能性更大。女人也得有付出，才会珍惜和获得。祝你好运[littlefish (11-15 12:29, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]5楼
写了这么多，版主一定要给个红桃鼓励一下[鱼片粥 (11-15 14:12, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]6楼
ha, interesting article.I don't believe ppl can find the other part from cyber world, so i will never waste my time on that.
Like littlefish mentioned, u should be careful whiling interacting with these guys. However, from your description, I think online dating is not suitable to u too.
[Economist (11-15 14:39, Long long ago)]
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(引用 羊肉泡馍:一共8类人，没类不多算，2-3个，也有20个了，每一个看的上眼的看来眼光挺搞的 说真的，看这个帖子的感觉就是 你在ZARA, Guess, Topman里�...)极品男人？？何为极品男人啊？？请赐教。。。[一个布丁 (11-15 15:34, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]8楼
(引用 一个布丁:极品男人？？何为极品男人啊？？请赐教。。。)不知道是不是前一阵网上盛传的那个关于极品男帖子里面的那个极品男[鱼片粥 (11-15 15:56, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]9楼
This approvesDate太多了, 不好.
不date也不好
....
[qieqie (11-15 17:15, Long long ago)]
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怎么说呢，很多人在网上聊天给人的感觉跟现实生活中都很不一样，网络就是这么虚幻，无论是指人还是感情。
网上聊得高兴，真见面了，面对面聊也不见得就谈得来。帅哥又怎样？没有共同话题，就算是从头到尾盯着他一张俊脸瞧也会闷死掉。。
曾经尝试过2次通过网聊找bf（一个朋友介绍，一个是自己加的），总的来说，感觉这种方式不大靠谱儿，每天守着msn聊天，嘻嘻哈哈好浪费时间的，当然也没啥结果。
哈哈，偶不是对网上征友有偏见阿。缘分到了，什么方式都不重要了。或许哪天忽然有人来敲你门说想认识你呢，吼吼~~
真正想跟你认真交往的人是不会舍得把双方时间全部浪费在msn chatting上的，更不会害你挂一晚上等他online。。[machilus (11-15 19:41, Long long ago)]
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well,this is interestingbut i just dont understand that after so many failures, why r u still so persistent in pursuing a life-long partner thought cyber dating?
my suggestion : strolling around the holland village area at least half an hour a day...
the chance to bump into a rich guy there is almost equal to the chance of finding a Mr Rite through internet..[pinkhil (11-15 19:57, Long long ago)]
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(引用 pinkhil:well,this is interestingbut i just dont understand that after so many failures, why r u still so persistent in pursuing a life-l...)thanks for the suggestion, but i am not only looking for a rich guy ha[bbcat (11-15 20:47, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]13楼
(引用 鱼片粥:写了这么多，版主一定要给个红桃鼓励一下)殷切期盼中.....[bbcat (11-15 20:48, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]14楼
(引用 littlefish:interesting我想你应该算是比较lucky的人了，如果碰到一个非常懂女人的坏男人就比较惨了。会哄得你很开心。其实我说这些没有其他的意思，...)说的很有道理, 不过生活中碰到的男生毕竟少啊, 可能我的缘分还没有到吧.[bbcat (11-15 20:49, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]15楼
(引用 邓可:笑死了 ^_________^斑竹给花啊)啊? 很好笑吗? 我很认真写的, 给大家一个参考咯, 当然大家看了能笑说明我也不失败了.[bbcat (11-15 20:50, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]16楼
(引用 羊肉泡馍:一共8类人，没类不多算，2-3个，也有20个了，每一个看的上眼的看来眼光挺搞的 说真的，看这个帖子的感觉就是 你在ZARA, Guess, Topman里�...)眼光有点高吧, 可能需要反省一下, 不过也不至于找极品男生拉.[bbcat (11-15 20:52, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]17楼
(引用 谁的钱包:interesting readingLZ may have to look beyond online dating to nail down the right guy. :))ya think so too, it's so hard and tiring.[bbcat (11-15 20:52, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]18楼
很有教育意义的文章, 希望征友的男性们都能仔细看一下.知己知彼, 百战不殆...
版主暂时不在, 打分我就代劳了. 也希望bbcat能早日找到自己的意中人.
[administrator (11-15 22:09, Long long ago)]
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我是觉得姐姐运气不好不过要这样想，不满意的男人见一个少一个，下一次见到好男人的机会就增加了一分^_^[zizi (11-15 23:24, Long long ago)] [ 传统版 | sForum ][登录后回复]20楼