2岁多的妞闹的叫人伤心啊！快成孟姜女了：一天哭闹十八遍。。。
为到底用什么头绳扎头发哭半小时（我实在记不住她哪里有红色的小熊头绳，最后还是她自己翻出来的，一对N久前买的橘色小熊）；
为了她自己套不上裤子或者鞋子又固执的不要大人帮忙，气急败坏的哭半个小时；
为我给她开的维他精不小心吸管扎歪了，把上面的洞扎大了一点哭闹半个小时；
为了她自己不肯拿着啃，我给掰开了的豆沙包哭闹半个多小时，非让我把掰下来的一块粘回去要看不出来；
早上不肯起来，要我把灯全部关掉，虽然没有开任何灯我还是把全部灯打开又关了一遍以示：屋子里面看起来亮不是我没有关灯的效果，末了看见我确实把所有的大灯小灯都关了一遍屋里还是亮的大发脾气：妈妈你把太阳关掉！关黑漆漆！-_-|||你妈难道是神吗？！
喝水时候因为我把昨天水壶里的水倒掉洗过换了新的白开水，还有些微温，把水壶砸了扔掉，发脾气：水太多了！要少少水！要冷的水！！
诸如此类的每天要上演无数次，简直就是折磨我的神经和耐心，还要安抚被她无数无理要求和嚎哭气的暴跳如雷的妞爸：经常好不容易妞被我哄的差不多了，妞爸一声吼接着妞又持续哭半个小时！尼玛我恨不得一脚把妞爸踹到楼下去！
上周发烧，呼吸道感染，在家待了四天 (more...)
供参考
http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/consumer/10248.html
Guidelines for Parents
From a number of research studies plus Tavris, the following guidelines are suggested for building child self-control and self-esteem.
1. Learn to deal with your own and others' anger.
When parents discipline out of anger or with expectations that are inappropriate for the age of their child, they often make mistakes in the way they react. The place to begin is with ourselves. When we feel calm, we can model effective anger and conflict management. Example: "I'm so angry at you right now for dumping your cereal all over the clean floor, I feel like hitting you. But I don't hit, so I'm going to leave and come back when I've calmed down."
2. Distract or redirect the child.
When a child is misbehaving, a calm parent can sometimes re-direct the child's behavior. Example: "Here's a bowl of warm water. Let's put it outside where you can splash all you want."
3. Be prompt and brief with discipline.
One technique you can use is to pick up and remove your small child from the room immediately and isolate him or her for two to five minutes. This also gives you time to get in control of your emotions. Two to five minutes are enough; lecturing is unnecessary. In rare circumstances, it may be helpful to physically hold the child. Be consistent in enforcing rules, especially with older, school-age children. Example: "I'm putting you in your room for 'time out' until you calm down and are ready to talk again." "I want you to go to your room now and stay there until you are ready to come out and use words to ask for what you want rather than spitting on people."
4. Try to discover the reason for your child's anger or temper tantrum.
What does he or she want and is not getting? The reasons children have temper tantrums vary: to get attention, get someone to listen, protest not getting their way, get out of doing something they do not want to do, punish a parent for going away, for power, for revenge, from fear of abandonment, etc. Let the child know the behavior is unacceptable. Talk calmly. Example: "Now that we're out of the store and we've both had a chance to calm down, let's talk. I think you were mad at me that I said no to buying the candy you wanted. Is that right?" ... "It is OK for you to be angry at me, but kicking, screaming and yelling that you want candy won’t work. It won’t get me to buy you the candy.”
5. Avoid shaming your child about being angry.
Children in healthy families are allowed to express all their feelings, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant.They are not criticized or punished for having and expressing feelings appropriately, including anger. Some research studies have found that parents' shaming their child's anger can negatively affect their child's willingness to relieve distress in others (10). Example: "You look and sound angry right now. I'd feel angry too if someone messed up my coloring like she messed up yours."
6. Teach children about intensity levels of anger.
By using different words to describe the intensity of angry feelings (e.g., annoyed, aggravated, irritated, frustrated, angry, furious, enraged), children as young as 2 1/2 can learn to understand that anger is a complex emotion with different levels of energy (10). Example: "I was annoyed when I had a hot meal ready and all of you were late for dinner." "That man was so angry -- I think he was enraged after someone spray painted his business with graffiti."
7. Set clear limits and high expectations for anger management, appropriate for your child's age, abilities, and temperament.
As parents, we will be angry all the time if we expect our 1-year-old to be toilet trained, our 2-year-old to use 5-year-old words rather than have a temper tantrum, our shy 8-year-old to be a life-of-the-party magician, and our low self-esteem 15-year-old to snap out of her depressed "funk" and run for Student Council President. Example: "While I want you to know it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hit others!" "I expect you to help with chores, control your anger without hitting, biting or spitting. I expect you to be honest and thoughtful of others, do your best in school, ask for what you want, and treat others as you would like to be treated."
8. Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior.
Teaching your child to do the right things is better (and easier) than constantly punishing bad behavior. Children who get a steady diet of attention only for bad behavior tend to repeat those behaviors because they learn that is the best way to get our attention, especially if we tend to be overly authoritarian. Example: "I really liked the way you asked Uncle Charlie to play ball with you." "Thanks, Ebony, for calling me beforehand and asking if you could change your plans and go over to your friend's house after school."
9. Maintain open communication with your child.
Consistently and firmly enforce rules and explain the reasons for the rules in words your child can understand. Still, you can listen well to your child's protests about having to take a national test or measles shot. Example: "Sounds like you are angry at the school rule that says you can't wear shorts, sandals and tank tops to school."
10. Teach understanding and empathy by calling your child's attention to the effects of his or her actions on others.
Invite the child to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Healthy children feel remorse when they do something that hurts another. Authoritative discipline helps them develop an internal sense of right and wrong. Remember, a little guilt goes a long way, especially with a child. Example: "Let's see if we can figure out what happened. First she did her 'nah, nah, nah routine.' Next, I saw you take her doll. Then she came and hit you, and you hit her back."
Beyond the Tantrum Stage
Most tantrums and angry outbursts come and go as children and youth grow in their ability to use language and learn to solve problems using words. But occasionally, fits of temper and violence persist into elementary school and may signal serious problems. Sometimes there are biological sources of anger that require diagnosis by a physician or psychologist.
If someone is getting hurt or if you use the suggestions listed in this fact sheet and nothing seems to work, it is time to get professional help. Ask your physician, school guidance counselor or psychologist for names of those skilled in working with children on anger issues. Or, check the yellow pages under counselors, for psychologists and marriage and family therapists who specialize in child behavioral problems.
Guidelines for Parents
From a number of research studies plus Tavris, the following guidelines are suggested for building child self-control and self-esteem.
1. Learn to deal with your own and others' anger.
When parents discipline out of anger or with expectations that are inappropriate for the age of their child, they often make mistakes in the way they react. The place to begin is with ourselves. When we feel calm, we can model effective anger and conflict management. Example: "I'm so angry at you right now for dumping your cereal all over the clean floor, I feel like hitting you. But I don't hit, so I'm going to leave and come back when I've calmed down."
2. Distract or redirect the child.
When a child is misbehaving, a calm parent can sometimes re-direct the child's behavior. Example: "Here's a bowl of warm water. Let's put it outside where you can splash all you want."
3. Be prompt and brief with discipline.
One technique you can use is to pick up and remove your small child from the room immediately and isolate him or her for two to five minutes. This also gives you time to get in control of your emotions. Two to five minutes are enough; lecturing is unnecessary. In rare circumstances, it may be helpful to physically hold the child. Be consistent in enforcing rules, especially with older, school-age children. Example: "I'm putting you in your room for 'time out' until you calm down and are ready to talk again." "I want you to go to your room now and stay there until you are ready to come out and use words to ask for what you want rather than spitting on people."
4. Try to discover the reason for your child's anger or temper tantrum.
What does he or she want and is not getting? The reasons children have temper tantrums vary: to get attention, get someone to listen, protest not getting their way, get out of doing something they do not want to do, punish a parent for going away, for power, for revenge, from fear of abandonment, etc. Let the child know the behavior is unacceptable. Talk calmly. Example: "Now that we're out of the store and we've both had a chance to calm down, let's talk. I think you were mad at me that I said no to buying the candy you wanted. Is that right?" ... "It is OK for you to be angry at me, but kicking, screaming and yelling that you want candy won’t work. It won’t get me to buy you the candy.”
5. Avoid shaming your child about being angry.
Children in healthy families are allowed to express all their feelings, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant.They are not criticized or punished for having and expressing feelings appropriately, including anger. Some research studies have found that parents' shaming their child's anger can negatively affect their child's willingness to relieve distress in others (10). Example: "You look and sound angry right now. I'd feel angry too if someone messed up my coloring like she messed up yours."
6. Teach children about intensity levels of anger.
By using different words to describe the intensity of angry feelings (e.g., annoyed, aggravated, irritated, frustrated, angry, furious, enraged), children as young as 2 1/2 can learn to understand that anger is a complex emotion with different levels of energy (10). Example: "I was annoyed when I had a hot meal ready and all of you were late for dinner." "That man was so angry -- I think he was enraged after someone spray painted his business with graffiti."
7. Set clear limits and high expectations for anger management, appropriate for your child's age, abilities, and temperament.
As parents, we will be angry all the time if we expect our 1-year-old to be toilet trained, our 2-year-old to use 5-year-old words rather than have a temper tantrum, our shy 8-year-old to be a life-of-the-party magician, and our low self-esteem 15-year-old to snap out of her depressed "funk" and run for Student Council President. Example: "While I want you to know it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hit others!" "I expect you to help with chores, control your anger without hitting, biting or spitting. I expect you to be honest and thoughtful of others, do your best in school, ask for what you want, and treat others as you would like to be treated."
8. Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior.
Teaching your child to do the right things is better (and easier) than constantly punishing bad behavior. Children who get a steady diet of attention only for bad behavior tend to repeat those behaviors because they learn that is the best way to get our attention, especially if we tend to be overly authoritarian. Example: "I really liked the way you asked Uncle Charlie to play ball with you." "Thanks, Ebony, for calling me beforehand and asking if you could change your plans and go over to your friend's house after school."
9. Maintain open communication with your child.
Consistently and firmly enforce rules and explain the reasons for the rules in words your child can understand. Still, you can listen well to your child's protests about having to take a national test or measles shot. Example: "Sounds like you are angry at the school rule that says you can't wear shorts, sandals and tank tops to school."
10. Teach understanding and empathy by calling your child's attention to the effects of his or her actions on others.
Invite the child to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Healthy children feel remorse when they do something that hurts another. Authoritative discipline helps them develop an internal sense of right and wrong. Remember, a little guilt goes a long way, especially with a child. Example: "Let's see if we can figure out what happened. First she did her 'nah, nah, nah routine.' Next, I saw you take her doll. Then she came and hit you, and you hit her back."
Beyond the Tantrum Stage
Most tantrums and angry outbursts come and go as children and youth grow in their ability to use language and learn to solve problems using words. But occasionally, fits of temper and violence persist into elementary school and may signal serious problems. Sometimes there are biological sources of anger that require diagnosis by a physician or psychologist.
If someone is getting hurt or if you use the suggestions listed in this fact sheet and nothing seems to work, it is time to get professional help. Ask your physician, school guidance counselor or psychologist for names of those skilled in working with children on anger issues. Or, check the yellow pages under counselors, for psychologists and marriage and family therapists who specialize in child behavioral problems.
Huasing Association 1999 - 2013