It’s early hours in the morning, yet I can’t sleep, kept tossing and turning in bed, in the end I decided to take it on my laptop and vent it out on huasing. Hopefully afterwards I can have a restful sleep.
I have been married for 4 years now, daughter is 1.5 years old. Hubby is a stay-at-home dad while I work to support the family, rather unconventional right? No choice, cause I have a more stable income while my hubby was self-employed and he could barely support himself sometimes. It was a hard decision, not only for me, but was also a blow to my hubby’s ego. Though husband should always be the head of the family, who provides for and protects the family, in my case I have to make most of the decisions in the house. I don’t really enjoy being in command, I would rather have a more capable/domineering husband who takes charge of the household, but well I married this one.
There are a lot of quarrels in the first two years of marriage, the idea of “I have made a wrong decision” has crossed my mind many times since then. I must say that our honeymoon period is nearly nonexistent. I still remember vividly that on the day of registration I came home crying and complained the way he treated a newly-wed bride. Afterwards, we tried to adopt each other’s lifestyle and habits, conflicts ensued here and there. But most of the time it’s because of financial responsibility. From the start, I knew his income was not stable, but he promised to work hard and improve and everything seemed so achievable. It’s only after a while I figured that he had no savings and could barely share the house mortgage (resulted in warning letters from HDB). Looking back, they are all empty promises, and I took a while to accept that I will be the sole bread winner in the family.
When my daughter was born in 2013, I of course shouldered all the cost. My mum flew over to take care of me during my confinement. And that’s when it hit me that though my mum and I couldn’t stand each other, my mum still loved me more than my hubby. My husband was so ignorant in female matters (he didn’t even know woman has limited number of eggs and only releases one egg once a month) that he felt confinement was no big deal and there was no need for him to take special care of me. I was lucky to have mum around.
The root problem was a lack of intimacy. I guess I become easily agitated while my basic needs are not satisfied. During my pregnancy, we didn’t screw each other for over a year!!! I couldn’t stand it and confronted him, after a long “interrogation”, he dropped the bomb “You shall lose some weight.” It’s not easy for him to open up and tell me the truth, because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but I felt like being stabbed on the back and sick to stomach. Does that mean I am looking at a sexless marriage now? Does that mean he was forced to bang me so as to have our daughter? Am I that disgusting and obnoxious? Does he love me anymore? That happened in 2014 and we sought help and advice to salvage our marriage. We are trying to shake the sheets once a week, even then, we are often missing the target. Have I considered losing weight? Yes, but I didn’t persevere with my exercise routine and I couldn’t become a vegetarian. There was a period of time I almost lost interest in sex, because I lost confidence in myself.
I tried to tolerate and focused on other things, like spending time with daughter, but today there were just so much negative emotions inside me and one straw finally broke the camel’s back, I went cold war with my husband. That’s usually the case when we had conflicts and arguments, one time it went on a week with us not saying anything to each other. It was a horrible experience, and affected my emotions at work too. After that, we both agreed that once a cold war was declared, we (the husband) should end it ASAP before it threw the marriage into hopeless abyss. (that’s how he annulled his first marriage after long period of cold war/separation)
该帖荣获当日十大第1，奖励楼主25分以及37华新币，时间：2015-04-27 22:00:01。
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